Late-Night Comics Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

Late-night's top comedians used the airtime criticizing former President Donald Trump's recently unveiled immigration initiative, dubbed the "gold card," portraying it as a clear pay-to-play scheme for the affluent.

The Late Show's Pointed Take

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical Christmas jingle about the president. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... spoils everything he touches."

Colbert's target was the new plan that allows foreign nationals to acquire U.S. residency for an investment of a million dollars, or "premium" option for five million. An official page pledges processing "faster than ever."

"A brief note here to rich immigrants: before you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the program is also meant to "get cash" from firms wanting to hire skilled workers, requiring hefty payments. "That's a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The best screening the government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit rich overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll numbers during economic concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to discuss prices, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of food items, and behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking conservative news arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.